Don’t let the hard days win.

We got to the little league game to watch my bonus son play his heart out on the field. My husband and I set up our chairs and prepared for the fun day ahead of us. It was not our custody day, and bio mom was there with her family and my second bonus son. He bounded happily over to us, or to his dad I should say. He barely shot a glance at me and wouldn’t engage when I spoke to him.

people in black and red jackets playing basketball during daytime

I have been around these children for over 2 years!

We live together!

I married their dad and they were in the wedding!

They tell me they love me and say, “ you’re like my mom, but a bonus mom!”

I love these boys like they are my own flesh and blood and they know it!

So why the cold shoulder at the ball game?

Short answer: Bio mom is there… and she’s watching.

Loyalty Bonds

I wish I knew about loyalty bonds when I entered my role as a bonus mom. I was not out to replace their bio mom nor was it ever a competition so what is going on in these kids’ little minds?

Between Two Homes is a tool I wish I had sooner. It explains why children may act differently around the bonus mom (or dad!) and ways we can cope with the emotional whiplash.

There is also a section about high conflict bio moms and how and why children protect and excuse toxic behavior.

We as bonus moms chose this life when we chose our partner. There isn’t a handbook for bonus parenthood but this e-book comes close when it comes to navigating the big emotions that come with blended families.

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