When the Bio Mom Talks Down About You

It’s one of the hardest parts of being a bonus mom — hearing that the bio mom talks negatively about you or even about your partner. Kids love all their parents, and when they hear criticism, it can leave them confused, worried, or feeling like they have to choose sides.

How to Handle Kids’ Questions

• Focus on feelings, not facts: Kids need reassurance more than explanations. Try, “That sounds confusing. You don’t need to worry about adult problems.”

• Don’t probe for details: Asking what was said can put kids in the middle. Let them share freely, but don’t make them messengers.

• Keep a consistent message: Align with your partner. A simple, age-appropriate line works best: “All adults love you, and adult problems aren’t your responsibility.”

• Model emotional maturity: Never badmouth the other parent. Calm, respectful behavior teaches kids how to handle conflict without stress.

Protect Your Own Heart

It’s normal to feel hurt or frustrated. Journal, vent to a trusted friend, or connect with other bonus moms. But keep your feelings separate from the children — they shouldn’t carry adult tension.

Why It Matters

Kids notice who keeps them safe and calm. Over time, your steady presence will speak louder than any words said about you. Showing patience, love, and consistency is one of the strongest gifts you can give — and it teaches children resilience, respect, and security.